21 Apr Fitness Journal

Weight = 149.6 (-2.2 lbs)

Pathetic, really. I've been at this for how many weeks and lost a lousy two pounds? Yeah, I'm really working this. I have a friend who is two inches taller than me and is nine months pregnant, and weighs only 155lbs right now. Yes, that's only 6 pounds more than me and she's about to give birth. In fact, I bet when she leaves the hospital, she'll weigh less than me. How much do I suck?????

And yet, I stopped at Starbucks for breakfast. Makes tons of sense. *sigh*

B SB tall soy chai
B SB breakfast cookie. (pretty fatty, in hindsight. Not getting that again)
L organic cheddar
L 5 low salt stoned wheat thins
L 1T peanut butter
L Healthy Choice low-fat choc pudding
S 1 pack rockets
S handful of yogurt-covered raisins
S diet pepsi
?
D 4 PC chicken nuggets
D McCain low fat oven french fries
D plum sauce (for dipping, natch!)
? can't remember what else...

Wicked caffiene withdrawl headache...felt like my eyeballs were shaking in my head, brain was jittery. Very unpleasant sensation. I didn't think my caffiene consumption was out of hand, but maybe I need to cut back?

A placeholder

So I have other stuff to say beyond how much I still weight and what I'm eating. Really. I have all these ideas and about four draft posts. And I will get at least one published this weekend. Promise!

Chili.

20 Apr Fitness Journal

I'll be so glad when Mr. Chili gets home on Fri night. I'm so frickin tired. Somewhat self-inflicted, since I haven't been able to make myself go to bed lately. Just in denial, feeling not quite right. Sore throat is gone, thank goodness, but still tired and icky feeling. At least my cat-scratched face is healing. Man, I still can't get over how I had blood running down my face. Scared the crap outta me when I finally saw my face. All that stuff about head wounds bleeding a lot? True.

Weight - dunno. Less than 21st, I think.

B lg tea w/m&s
B detour bar
S jeneusse yogurt
S thinaddictives cookies
L leftover hamburger
L 1 sl whole wheat baguette
L 2 apple newtons
D fusili w/bolognese sauce & parm cheese
D org greens w/balsamic dressing
D 1/2 gl red wine
S thinaddictives cookies
S decaf tea w/m&s

19 Apr Fitness Journal

Pretty good day nutritionally, until this evening. *sigh* Still struggling with this cold and Mr. Chili is away on business. And LC has decided that bedtime should be much, much later.

Wish I could have run, but between the cold and Mr. Chili's trip, I just didn't have it in me.

Weight = 148.4 (-3.4lbs)

B detour bar
B large tea w/m&s
B jeunesse yogurt
S thinaddictives cookies
L leftover turkey stew w/cheddar cheese
S quaker choc chip granola bar
D salad w/balsamic dressing
D homemade hamburger w/ketchup
D 1/2 gl red wine
D 6 small breadsticks
S decaf orange pekoe tea w/m&s
S 5 chocolate sandwich cookies <-- and that's where I blew it.

18 Apr Fitness Journal

Fighting off a cold. Okay but blah day at work. Then home for dinner, feeling like crap due to the cold. But rather than be useless at home, and short with LC, went to the mall to buy tons of stuff. Bought 3 baby gifts, 3 sibling gifts, 1 mom gift, 1 stepmom birthday gift, summer hat for LC, sale pants & pjs, nice Clinique for Men stuff for Mr. Chili. Really wanted to get shoes for me, but of course, couldn't find any. Then, like an idiot, I stayed up until 3:30am. Worked some, but mostly just in denial-land and didn't want to go to bed. Not my finest hour. Why do I do this?????

Weight = 149.8 (-2lbs) Ugh. F*ck. Gained back 1.6 lbs. That’s what eating crap will do for ya.

B detour bar
B TH lge steeped tea w/m&s
S jeunesse yogurt
S 2 apple newtons
L leftover turkey stew
S cheddar mini rice cakes (100cals)
D selection of cheeses (org marble cheddar, emmenthal, parmesan, gruyere) & 4 stoned wheat thins. (my current favourite easy dinner)
S Timothys med chai w/soy
??

Easter in the Chili household

*warning* boring post ahead!

Easter weekend….
Great time, busy weekend.

Friday
Relaxing morning, I went for a run. Then we headed out for a playdate with friends. The kids played well together, it was just a bummer that it rained all day. My friends were kind enough to invite us to share lunch with them, so LC & I enjoyed some French toast and fresh fruit.

Quiet pizza dinner, ran out for a quick Starbucks (they closed at 7pm – bastards, the nerve of them celebrating a holiday), then read in my car. Just didn’t want to go home, wanted a break from life. Wanted Mr. Chili to put LC down. Sometimes, I just need a break, kwim? So I sat in my car and read the fifth Harry Potter book. I’ve had it for ages, but haven’t had the time to crack the cover. I’m quite enjoying it, although I don’t know when I’ll have the chance again to read it.

Saturday
Busy day. With stores closed on Friday and Sunday, today was the shopping day. So I got up early, and hit Loblaws at 0830, Costco at 1000. Now Loblaws was relatively quiet because I was early – yeah me! Costco, on the other hand, had only opened half an hour prior and was in full chaos mode. But the sad part is that I enjoyed myself. I had no husband and no LC getting impatient. So I just zenned my way through the crowds, spending money like there was no tomorrow… Quite enjoyable, really. After I was done shopping, I hustled home, put away the groceries, then headed out to the Rouge Rive park to meet the boys. Mr. Chili, LC and our dog, Cosmo were at a beautiful conservation area nearby, and had met up with friends of ours (with their Great Dane). The kids and dogs were having a great time. They had already been there for two hours, and LC had walked a tremendous amount. I brought snacks for the kids. Cheesestrings all around! And water and raisins and apple newtons. All favourite snacks in our household. LC and our friend’s daughter sat on a log and munched away, looking adorable.

After that, Mr. Chili took LC in one car, on a mission to get LC to sleep. We knew he was tired after all that walking. But did he sleep? Nope. Not for quite a while. Meantime, I stopped and picked Mr. Chili and I up some lunch. I got exactly two bites in my mouth before Mr. Chili pulled into the driveway, frustrated because LC was still awake. So I took over and drove until LC fell asleep. Unfortunately he only had a short nap, waking up 45 minutes later. After he woke up, I carried him in the house and we just chilled on the couch, as he was obviously still tired.

We headed out again in the afternoon, stopping at a local cycle shop to look at trikes. We bought LC and cute red tricycle and a shiny new bell for it. He actually wasn’t all that enthused at the bike shop – kept wanting to look at the big bikes. We figure (hope?) that he’ll become more interested in his trike as time goes on. After the exciting trike purchase, we headed to my mom’s for easter dinner. It was yummy and LC surprised us by eating a ton of food – the ate asparagus (grilled, then drizzled with olive oil and parmesan cheese), mashed potatoes, peas, lamb, milk. Wow. Had a good time at my parents, except for their dysfunctional arging and tension, which the kids & spouses all just kind of laugh off now.

[Which does raise two points. 1) why the hell do I get my kid to sleep driving and 2) I think he might be close to giving up his nap. Nooooooooooooo!]

Sunday
Mr. Chili had some work to do (from home, thank goodness). Grandma Lois came to visit and we had the best time because we....did the first annual O'Grady easter egg hunt. [Say egg hunt five time. Nasty, eh?] On Saturday night, Mr. Chili and I filled about 20 eggs - with goldfish crackers, rasins, pretzels, yogurt covered pretzels, and yes, some candy - jellybeans, smarties and gummy bears**. We also hid a new set of green matchbox firetrucks. And the piece de resistance, was the new Backyardigans DVD that I bought. It was a lot of fun. Took LC a little while to catch on, but he did. And we helped him a lot - attention span isn't that long, you know.

After the egg hunt, we headed downtown-ish and met friends for lunch. LC was incredibly, unbelieveably well behaved. He sat for at least an hour. Ate coleslaw, tried a chicken wing, wasn't a big fan, ate some of his deep fried mac & cheese wedges (don't ask, it is as disgusting as you might think), and was generally cute. This from the kid who won't sit in a restaurant for more than five minutes ususally. Have no idea what happened, but it was pretty awesome.

After lunch, we headed to the gelato place up the street, which was closed to a fluke. So I settled (heh) for a SB chai. We headed over to a local school w/new playground equipment. LC had the best time, running around, going down the slide, etc. We had a good time chatting with our frineds we hadn't seen in months.

Now you'd think LC would be tired after this, right? Well, he was. But did he want to sleep, not so much. He only napped for 45 minutes. Please oh please don't tell me he's dropping his nap!!!!

Good dinner, fun bath and then bedtime. Which is now taking an hour plus. Another trend which I hope doesn't last.

** LC loved the gummy bears. Seems to be universal amongst kids. Why? The texture kinda creeps me out. Hmph.

14-17 Apr Fitness Journal

Playing catch up...haven't written since the 13th and it's the 18th. Ugh.

Mon 17-Apr
Really, an incredibly poor day nutritionally. Just feeling ill, eating for all the wrong reasons. The scale is really starting to head up. I had best get my fucking act together.

B decaf or pekoe tea w/m&s
B detour bar
S jeunesse yogurt
S goldfish crackers, pretzel kind
S 2 apple newtons
S handful smarties (yes, stealing from my son's Easter candy)
L leftover broccoli soup w/half multigrain bagel w/margarine (late lunch)
L 9 mini fake chocolate eggs (!!!!)
D turkey stew
D 1 gl white wine
D 2 packs of tiny rocket candy
D few chocolate teddy grahams
S SB tall soy chai
S SB half nanaimo bar (yeah, really didn't need that!)

Sun 16-Apr
Exercise: did manage to run today. 6.5km. Good run. Too bad it was only my second of the week.

B 1 sl raisin toast
B TH XL steeped tea w/m&s
B too much of my son's easter candy - jellybeans, smarties, etc. (!!!)
L Duff's famous wings - about six honey garlic (tasty and deep fried. yum. yuck.)
L some potato wedges. (didn't go crazy and eat too many)
L coleslaw
L SB tall chai w/soy
S quaker cheddar mini cheddar rice cakes (100cal)
D homemade cream of brocoli soup (reasonably healthy)
D bit of white wine
D dessert brought from neighhbours - sampler of lemon meringue pic, strawberry mousse, fruit salad. Tasty, but very bad.
S mini Laura Secord buttercream egg (like tiny, but still bad)

Sat 15-Apr
does anyone care?
Lowlights: ate too much of LC's easter candy.

Fri 14-Apr
Exercise: ran 5km

B detour bar
S teddy grahams cookies
L tropicana orange/strawberry/banana juice
L 2 sl whole wheat french toast
L fresh fruit (pineapple, melon, strawberries) w/crappy chocolate dip
S TH steeped tea w/2m,1s
S 1 svg cheezits
S few jellybeans
D 2 sl thin crust pizza w/sundried tomatoes and proscuitto
D SB tall soy chai
S glayva (yum)

13-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 18

Had a great sleep last night. Was so tired after being up til 4am the night before (for no good reason), that I went to bed w/LC. We were both asleep by 9pm, and I barely woke up when Mr. Chili got home. Too bad LC is back to only sleeping for 10 hours. I wish he would sleep longer...oh well! I'm happy with a good 10 hour stretch, believe me!

Weight = 148.2 (-3.6 lbs)

Up a bit today, but still down overall. Yes! I can do this! (Well, except for what I've eaten today...that might bugger it all up.)

B TH L steeped tea, 2m, 1s
B detour bar
S yogurt
S quaker salsa & sour cream rice cakes (100cal, 4g fat)
S thinaddictives cookies (3g fat)
L Subway sweet onion terriyaki 6" on whole wheat
L diet coke
L SB chai soy tall
S Doritos, sm. bag, pepperjack flavour (260cal, 113g fat) <-- why oh why did I eat these? What a stupid pointless waste of calories. I know better!
S 5 mini fake chocolate easter eggs
D 1/2 toasted cheese sandwich (1 sl wh wheat bread, organic cheddar cheese, bit of margarine, toasted under the broiler)
D tomato & parmesan soup (PC brand)
D Belaggios gelato, chocolate & banana (yum!)

Got a call from friends asking if we wanted to meet w/kids for gelato at a local Italian place. Mr. Chili didn't want to go, so LC and I went. I've never been to this place - it was great! I asked LC what he wanted but he just clammed right up. So I got my favourite chocolate and banana combo. (Ate that all over Europe when I did my solo euro-trip.) LC is clearly not a sweets person, because he declined to have any except for the tiniest bit of banana. Is it a coincidence that LC then didn't want to go to sleep? Mr. Chili started trying to get him to sleep at 8:45pm, it took until 9:50pm. Ugh!

12-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 17

Weight = 147.4 (-4.4lbs)
I'm sure that the weight is just a fluke. But man, it feels good to see that number going down, down, down. I'm getting to the point where I can get into the jeans that I had to abandon because I gained so much weight. Yeah, 10 pounds doesn't seem like that much, when you're rationalizing, but it is. I hate that none of my post-partum clothes that I worked so hard to fit in stopped fitting. (Did that make sense? Not really. Oh well.)

A good day, but I was so tired by the end of the day. And this stuff with LC's school is really stressing me out.

B detour bar
B TH steeped tea w/2m, 1s
L leftover fusili w/bolognese sauce & parm cheese
L thinaddictives cookies
S 1/2 bag cheddar rice cakes (50 cal)
D flemmish beef stew (eating well recipe, crockpot, not bad)
D 1 sl Ace bakery whole wheat baguette
D decaf orange pekoe tea w/m&s
D 2 chocolate thin wafers

11-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 16

A good night last night. LC slept in his own bed most of the night! Slow progress, which is just fine with me.

Weight = 148.4 (-3.4 lbs)

B detour bar
B TH stepped tea, 2m, 1s
S Neilsen yogurt, vanilla
L organic cheddar and 5 stoned wheat thins crackers
L 2 apple newtons
S apple
S 4 mini chocolate eggs (crap chocolate, but hey, I ate them anyways.)
D fusili w/bolognese sauce
D salad w/balsamic dressing
S SB tall chai soy
S nature bar

Did not need to eat entire nature bar. Felt full afterwards, not a sensation I like anymore. Was starving by the time I went to bed, though. Which was a 4am. What a fucking idiot I am. Really. So Mr. Chili kindly did the entire morning routine and let me sleep in. I slept in until 1000 - ugh. Didn't get to work until 1100. Double ugh.

Parenting choices or "Chili invites flaming & controversy to her blog"

I figure since I'm blogging in a vacuum, why not air out my parenting style and leave myself open to attack. This topic comes courtesy of Dooce, who recently posted on her CIO approach and received some astronomical number of comments - like 475! Most were pretty civilized and there were the requiste number of whackjobs who say inflamatory things, followed by the people who get offended, followed by - oh, you get the idea.

Preface:
If you had told me I was going to parent this way before I had LC I woulda thought you were smoking crack. Seriously. I thought this stuff was freaky-deeky, granola, hippy shit.


So let me lay out how we parent.
1. extended breastfeeding
2.5 years. (See previous post.)
Yes, breastfeeding is more than nourishment. It is a way of parenting. It's bloody hard work sometimes. And it forces you to be more attached to your child. At least if you breastfeed the way that I do. And the way I believe is best for the child's health & development.

2. co-sleeping
Gasp! Yes, we co-sleep. So many reasons why:
a) At the beginning, when LC wouldn't latch, and I was desparately using the pump to build up my supply, we co-slept because the goddess of a lactation specialist that we found said it would help. (Will cite the studies later.) And we love it.
b) Mr. Chili is the biggest proponent of co-sleeping because even after he was away from LC all day, he could kiss him and watch him sleep.
c) We never had to worry about SIDS - he was right there. And when he was sick, he was right there.
d) When I went back to work, LC was 11 months old and still a pretty frequent nurser. While at daycare, he had finger food and a sippy of water. We nursed on demand when I was around. And his demand increased dramatically during the night - from once a nice to three or four. Co-sleeping saved me. If I had to get up and get him each time, I would have lost my mind. Instead, I rolled over, pulled up my shirt, he latched on and we both slept. Amazing.

2.5. We don't do CIO.
Honestly, I sometimes wish I could/did. There have been many moments, especially when my post-partum depression was so bad that I felt completely consumed by it, where I so desparately wanted to put him down and walk away. But ultimately, Mr. Chili and I just couldn't do it. So we cuddle, console, nurse of demand, etc. And you know what? LC sleeps pretty damned well. Usually 10 hours straight. And a 2 hour nap. Which is a-okay in my books for a 2.5 year old.

3. I believe in Barbara Coloroso's book "Kids are Worth It!".
I believe in natural consequences. I try really hard to be a backbone parent. I know that Mr. Chili and I both tend towards jellyfish, so we have to work at it. But her parenting philosophy is right on.

4. I cloth diapered for the first year, then switched to disposable.
Daycare wouldn't take disposable.

5. *the most controversial of all?* I work away from home. My son is in daycare.
I was off for 11 months. Then I worked part-time (4 days/week) for 16 months. Now I work full-time. Would really prefer to work part-time, but hey, this is what I've got for now.
Yes, I feel guilty for paying someone to raise my kid. But for many reasons, this is the right choice for us.

I'll add to this as I come up with anything else I do that is (quasi/semi) controversial. Flame away!

How did I get here?

We had a hectic weekend that was a lot of fun. So much going on in the Chili household. And I have at least four draft posts that I haven't published yet. Hard to find time to finish them.

Friday I worked from home. Did actual work, and also did three loads of laundry, ran the Roomba and treated myself to a Wendys salad for lunch. It was a yucky day - poured all day. Mr. Chili graciously did both drop-off and pick-up. Unfortunately I didn't quite finish up my work before they made it home, so I worked a bit more through the evening.

Saturday was a busy day filled with running, dog walking in the park - where LC walked more than he's ever walked before (!), grocery shopping, trying to get LC to nap in the car (only semi-successful), house cleaning, more laundry, etc. All of this domestic stuff is somehow more fun than it used to be. Don't get me wrong, I don't like cleaning, but it's satisfying, and it's fun (most of the time) to do these things with LC. After LC went to bed, I worked on my CV. Emailed it to my sister Sunday morning (she works in HR/recruiting) to get her feedback.

Sunday was a quick run, showering, more cleaning, and meal prep. We had a great visit with Mr. Chili's sister, brother and mother. I love them all. I didn't get as much time to visit as I would have liked to visit because I was in the kitchen. But hey, it's all good.

It feels so strange to be the adult sometimes. How did I get to be the mom? I'm the one in the kitchen making the meal. I'm the hostess. It's so surreal! Reminds me of that Talking Heads song, "Once in a Lifetime":

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
Wife
And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?

Random moments of cuteness

This morning I was checking my email at the dining room table before I left for work. And I remembered that I had some short video clips LC's uncle took of LC at the fabulous kids' haircutting place. So I asked him if he wanted to see. He hopped down from his chair and started to walk around the table. I pointed to the cord for my laptop's power supply and said to him, "Watch the cord!"

So he stopped and watched it.

*snort*

My little literalist. I said to watch it, so he did.

Moment-by-moment replay:
*tick* I realized that he was following my instructions.
*tick* I tried not to laugh.
*tick* I took him by the hand and explained that I meant "Don't trip over the cord." He walked around and we watched the video clips.

Damn, he's cute!

10-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 15

Almost felt hungover this morning. Still tired from all the running around this weekend (literally & figuratively).

Weight = 150.4 (-1.4 lbs)
Ugh - bad trend in the weight area. Mostly it's because I ate too much, ate when I wasn't hungry. AF might not be helping either, but I really don't think that's a valid excuse.

B TH steeped tea w/2m, 1s
B detour bar
S yogurt
S 1 double chocolate cookie (so tasty but so bad!) (60 cal, 3g ea)
L leftover roast beast, mashed pot, carrots, gravy
L 2 double chocolate cookies (so tasty but so bad!) (60 cal, 3g ea)
S ?
D 4 ribs w/garlic glaze. Pretty fatty. (MIL made)
D sm svg potato salad
D sm svg coleslaw
S last creme caramel (man, that was tasty!)

9-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 14

I freaking ran for a third time this week! Yeah me. Hectic day again - ran w/Cosmo, showered, cleaned, made creme caramel, cleaned some more, held LC for a bit post-nap because he was still sleepy/cranky, played with LC, made a big dinner for Mr. Chili's family, laughed a lot. Pondered this new job almost-offer.

Not a good day nutritionally. Ate more than I needed, richer food than usual. Was yummy, but weight is up a bit. I need to re-focus.

Weight = 149.6 (-2.2 lbs)

Exercise: 5km with Cosmo

B detour bar
S yogurt
S TH tea w/2m, 1s
L 1 sl leftover pizza
L cheesestring
S ?
S 3 sausage rolls, 2 asian-style hors d'oeuvres
S 1/2 svg cheezits
D 2 gl red wine
D 1 sl roast beef w/gravy (bad!)
D garlic sour cream mashed potatoes
D maple glazed baby carrots
D dinner roll
D individual yorkshire pudding
D 1 svg creme caramel
whew!

8-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 13

Saturday was a busy day. I doubt I'll be able to remember what I ate. Damn. Let's see - what did we do? I ran w/Cosmo, went for a walk in the park, LC didn't want to nap in the car, went grocery shopping, etc.

The best part of my run? When I got home we had five minutes to get down to the park to meet our dear dog-walking friends (who also have an adorable, beautiful 3.5 year old daughter - and another on the way). Obviously didn't have time to shower, so I settled for changing my shirt. I whipped off my sweaty coolmax shirt and paused for a moment, looking at the mirror. Hot damn - I actually looked pretty good - fit, taut. Now in reality, I know I didn't look any different after my run than before but I felt better. And that counts for a lot.

Weight = 149.2 (-2.6 lbs)

Exercise: 5km with Cosmo

B detour bar
S jeunesse yogurt
S TH stepped tea, 2m, 1s
S 2 timbits
L Wendys grilled chicken sandwich
L Wendys french fries - few
S ?
D stir-fry on brown rice vermicelli w/scallops, red pepper, broccoli, green beans in a sauce of mirin, soy sauce, sesame oil, hoisin sauce & pepper w/garlic & ginger. Made it up and it turned out pretty well.
D 1/3 gl red wine

7-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 12

Weight = 148.8 (-3lbs)

Wow. I know my weight is probably going to fluctuate, but really feel like I'm finally on the right track. As LC would say, "Yes, yes, yes!", while pumping his fist in the air. (Gee, think he learned that from his daddy?)

B detour bar
L Wendys spinach bacon chicken salad w/low-fat honey mustard dressing (yum)
L TH steeped tea w/2m,1s
L diet pepsi
L 3 chocolate sandwich cookies
S quaker cheddar rice cakes (100cal)
S 1/2 svg cheezits
D 2 sl Delizioso hawaiian pizza
D 1/2 gl red wine

Lesson learned: don't drink two caffinated beverages in quick sucession. I don't usually, and was hit by a horrible shakey/quivery/heart racing feeling. Ugh.

6-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 11

Weight 149.0 (-2.8 lbs)
Yeah, it's probably just water, but could it possibly be that I'm starting to see results????

B detour bar
B TH steeped tea, 2m,1s
S astro yogurt
S thinaddictive cookies
L leftover edamame lo mein (still really tasty)
L 2 apple newtons
S 1 svg cheeze-its (these are yummy, but soooo salty)
D 1 svg PC chicken pot pie
? anything else?

5-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 10

I feel like I'm staying on track. I could lose weight faster if I had a bit more self-discipline, but hey, I think I'm doing all right. I feel like I'm starting to find my running grove again. It was a good, tough run. I'm still sooooo slow compared to where I was a year ago, never mind when I was in marathon shape. But that's okay, I'm coming back.

Weight = 150.4 (-1.4)

Exercise: 5km run with dog.

B detour bar
B TH steeped tea, 2m, 1s
S jeuness yogurt
S quaker cheddar rice cakes (100 cals)
L cheddar cheese on stoned wheat thins
L 2 apple newtons
S thinaddictive cookies
D edamame lo mein (from Eating Well - really freaking delicious)
D too many chocolate teddy grahams
S Starbucks grande soy chai (too good!)

4-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 9

Didn't weigh myself today. LC was pretty unhappy when he woke up. So I looked after him until I Mr. Chili was ready, then he took a turn. Grandma, who is still staying with us - thank goodness!, was more than willing to take him but she's third choice when mommy and daddy are around.

I'm going to stay more focused today. Not give into the urge to just eat. I packed fewer snacks. I have to remind myself that being hungry is a good thing. I don't always have to satisfy it right away. And if I do, not with a ton of food.

B glass of PC tropical juice
B detour bar
B TH stepped tea, 2m, 1s
L leftover tortellini w/pasta sauce, parm cheese
L 2 apple newtons
D PC chicken noodle soup
D toasted cheese sandwich & ketchup*
S thinaddictive cookies
and ??? Dammit - if I don't write this down the day it happens, I haven't got a hope of remembering what I ate.

* Instead of my usual grilled cheese with too much butter/margarine, I toasted two slices of bread, then melted a slice of cheddar on one piece of bread, under the broiler. Then while the cheese was all melty, I put the second piece on top. It was a bit dry, truthfully, but nothing that some ketchup couldn't fix. It was also a damned sight healthier. I will do this again, methinks. I might add a second slide of cheese - I think that would be perfect.

LC is still sick

Poor LC. He's on the mend. At least that's what I keep telling myself. After yesterday's dose of Motrin, his fever stayed down. He slept from 6pm until 7am this morning. That is a huge sleep for my guy. In fact, I'm pretty sure he has never slept that long in his life. I know sleep is healing and all that, but what was disturbing is that his diaper was completely dry this morning.

He woke up moaning and crying, trying to say something. I finally translated what he was saying, "Toast". I rubbed his back, picked him up we went downstairs. He wasn't talking much (another worrisome sign), but he did pick out a cinammon raisin bagel. He actually ate half a bagel (cut into quarter, natch), a few strawberries and drank some apple juice. The most he's eaten in a few days. As he started eating, he was shaking less and talking more. It was so sweet to hear that little voice. He was pretty perky for a bit, but by the time I left for work, he was fading again. Fever is low grade. He was just sitting in Grandma's lap, looking out the window and listening to Grandma reading stories. I have a feeling that he is already asleep.

Man, it's hard when your kid is sick!

LC still sick

Grandma came down to look after LC today. I felt okay going to work and leaving him at home because he was doing so much better in the morning. He woke up a bit grumpy, but soon perked up and was chatting with me as I changed his diaper, etc. He wasn't interested in eating, but did drink some apple juice. No fever, either. Really felt he was on the mend.

Mr. Chili checked in twice. Apparently after a couple of hours as almost-himself, LC said to Grandma, "I want my mommmy." Followed shortly by, "I want to go to bed." After she picked her jaw up off the floor, Grandma took LC to bed. She said he just crashed, went from la-la-la-la to glazed eyes. He slept off & on the rest of the day. By the time I got home, his fever was up to 103.7 - bad! We gave him Motrin (had to fight to get it in him). He perked up a bit around dinner time - drank some more juice, ate some veggies, then crashed again. Slept on me for an hour, then I just put him to bed. He's still asleep. Fever is very low grad now. He slept more than he was awake today. You have to understand how bizarre that is - my guy is definitely sick. He never just sits in your arms like that.

I know that he's on the mend: vomiting has stopped, slowly consuming liquids and solids, etc. But this fever keeps coming back. It's hard not to worry. But I know if we take him to the doctor, they'll just tell us to do what we're doing. But he's so not himself. From what the montessori school teacher said, this bug has been hitting kids hard - most are out five days. And Mr. Chili and I both have busy weeks. We're doing the best we can. And LC comes first.

Get better soon, baby.
Chili.

3-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 8

Weight: 151.2 (-0.6lbs)
Ugh. Feeling bloated - coincides with being 5dpo. This is the point where I usually give up - but I'm not doing it this time. I will run three times this week (only twice last week). I will continue to focus on eating well, making good choices.

Not the best day nutritionally speaking. Esp late in the evening, I was hungry and wanted to eat,eat, eat. Ugh.

B detour bar
B TH stepped tea w/2m,1s
S jeunesse yogurt
S thinaddictive cookies
S 2 apple newtons
L leftover french onion soup w/2 sl baguette, shredded gruyere
L quaker choc chip gran bar
D beef tortellini w/pasta sauce, parm cheese
D salad w/honey pear dressing
S dried mango, 1 svg
S Quaker rice crackers, cheddar (100 cal package)
S thinaddictive cookies

2-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 7

Poor LC was still quite sick today. I did a lot of cleaning around the house so I could feel like I was doing something.

Forgot to weigh myself again. Ooops. Not surprising given the night o' vomiting and how sleep deprived I (we) all were.

B toasted bagel w/light strawberry jam
B decaf orange pekoe tea w/m&s
L Wendys grilled chicken sandwich
L few Wendys french fries
L 1 timbit
L TH stepped tea w/2m,1s
S thinaddictive cookies
S rice chips (100 cal)
D homemade french onion soup w/3 sl. whole wheat baguette and shredded gruyere
D 0.5 gl wine

1-Apr Fitness Journal

Day 6

A good Saturday, well, until the vomiting began. (See related post.)

Had a good, tough run. Took the dog, who was very happy. Made the menu plan, grocery list, then we all went out shopping. LC was tired, but didn't want to nap, so we resorted to the car nap. While he & Mr. Chili napped in the car, I shopped at Costco and pet store. Then LC woke up so we headed for Chapters/Starbucks. Mr. Chili bought Mommy her favourite chai, while I took LC back to the kids section to play with the trains and read a couple of books. A nice day.

We had a bit of lunch at home, and watched the Roomba run. I set it to max mode - it ran for almost 2 hours cleaning the entire first floor. That thing rocks!!!! Best present ever. I am impressed/scared by how much dirt and pet hair it picked up. I mean, we just cleaned and it gets a bunch more stuff. I guess it's not surprising that we make a lot of dirt with a cat, dog and toddler, but man! How dirty was my house before this????

LC wasn't hungry at dinner time. In hindsight, he was unusually quiet. We were sitting on the area rug by the couch in the living room, when he suddenly leaned over, opened his mouth and spewed unholy amounts of vomit all over the floor, all over me, all over himself. And so it began...

Didn't weigh myself today.
Exercise: 5km run, pretty good.

B Detour bar
S cheesestring
S quaker choc chip chewy granola bar
L leftover chinese food (not low fat!)
S SB tall soy chai
S 1/2 svg hint of lime chips (~6g fat)
D takeout sushi
D 2 gl. wine

...and there was much vomiting...

Poor LC. He's never vomited in his life. Until this weekend. He made up for it in spades - vomited 15 times in 20 hours. It was a very, very long 20 hours in the Chili household. It started at 1700 Saturday night, last vomiting was Sunday 1300. He kept crying every time. It's been 9 hours now, so I think we're in the recovery phase. I hope. The only thing he's consumed (and kept down) in 24 hours plus is some flat ginger ale. He was so incredibly lethargic that I was *this close* to taking him to the hospital.

Signs that LC is not himself:
- sat calmly and willingly in our laps
- watched more than 20 minutes of TV
- napped on Mr. Chili and me
- napped 2x for 2 hours each
- didn't want to eat
- only peeed (sp?) once
...

He's had a fever since this afternoon, but it seems to be staying low-grade. I haven't medicated it because I believe that fevers are good for the body and it didn't seem to be making him any (more) uncomfortable. What I'm trying not to think about is the fact that the playmate he caught this from has had terrible diarrhea and a high fever for two days. OMG - what if that is next??? Let's hope not.

Usually Mr. Chili and I have flexible enough work schedules that we can trade off to handle sick days. Of course tomorrow, we both have meetings & presentations that we have to be in. So Grandma to the rescue! MIL has come down from her small town to watch LC tomorrow. Thank goodness for Grandmas!

Exercise journal to follow later...had an okay weekend, but not as good as it should have been. I was a little focused on LC, not my eating. I know, excuses, excuses.

Night.
Chili.

31-Mar Fitness Journal

Day 5

Yeah, it's Friday. Working from home in my pyjamas. Very nice. Strange sleep last night, was quite restless, vivid dreams, had to get up to pee at 0400, which I never do. Hm.

Went to breastfeeding support group last night. It's strange being there now that LC is weaned. It feels good though, to be able to tell my "I did it despite everything" story. There was a woman there last night who is pregnant with twins, and understandably very overwhelmed at the thought of breastfeeding them. She really wants to, but she can't fathom the logistics. We tried to help. I don't know if she felt better or just more overwhelmed. My friend K, who runs the group and is a phenomenal lacation specialist, always gives the straight goods. As in you should know the risks and hazards of bottles, formula, etc. If you choose to go that route, then you should at least be aware of what you're doing. I admire her frankness, because I think there is too little honesty about this. I'm not saying that a mother who doesn't breastfeed is bad - not at all - I'm saying it's sad and she probably failed because she didn't have enough education and support. Breastfeeding is hard work at the beginning - both you and baby are learning how to do this, and your body is going through some crazy hormonal stuff. *stepping off soapbox* Anyways, the group was good. The twin mom was asking, almost desparately, who could she call when she had one baby crying and another who wouldn't latch. So I gave her my name and number. I told her to call me, anytime. I told her that it's moms supporting other moms that will make the difference. It felt good. I hope she calls me if she needs some support.

Not the best day, nutritinally, but a good day all the same. Good friends came over for dinner with their almost 3 year old and almost 1 year old. LC and K played very well together - it's awesome to watch how their play has changed over the years. The kids ate well and the adults enjoyed their meal too. LC was exhausted by the time they left, but it was still hard to get him to bed. We were all tired, though, because we all fell asleep at 2130! Awesome sleep.

Weight = 150.6 (-1.2lbs)
And the fluctuations continue. But I'm liking the constant feedback.

B decaf tea, m&s
B optimum zen cereal w/jeunesse yogurt
S starbucks soy tazo chai, grande (yum!)
L beef barley soup (homemade, looneyspoons recipe)
L w/3 stoned wheat thin crackers
L w/4 thin sl. organic cheddar
L 1 package thinaddictives almond cookies
D takeout chinese from Mandarin (2 chicken balls, chicken fried rice, 2 garlic spare ribs, chicken lo mein, beef & veggies)
D chocolate cake from Breadhouse bakery