Three days down, two to go

Mr. Chili is away on a week-long business trip. No biggie for most. But daunting for me: it's the first time he's been away (overnight) since Pepperette was born. I have not managed both kids all on my own for a full week. And LC is very, very attached to daddy these days. Are you sensing fun times ahead? Yeah.

Monday.
We spent most of last week preparing LC for daddy's big trip. Just talking about it, where he was going, that he would call every night, etc. And Monday, when Mr. Chili left, LC was sad for a moment, but moved on pretty quickly. We had an exceptional day on Monday. LC listened, Pepperette was getting over her miserable cold and I was really proud of all of us at the end of the day. I'd score Monday a 9/10.

Tuesday.
Not as good. I asked my parents to help since Tuesday is skating lesson night. My stepfather came, which was really great of him. LC was a little rangy, since the kids didn't go outside due to bad weather that day. No exercise = hyper LC. I managed to get everyone fed, get to skating and not kill anyone. I was so frustrated with LC at a few points. He just wouldn't listen, was running around. And the more he acts up, the more frustrated I get. So instead of maybe stopping for a moment, I keep pushing to try and get us out the door. We ended up being 15 minutes late for a 30 minute lesson. Piss me off. He was calmer after the lesson, though. After we got home, it was pyjamas, snack, stories, bed. All in all, I'd give Tuesday a 6/10.

Wednesday.
(Sensing a trend yet?) Despite getting lots of exercise at school, LC was running around and not listening at casa pickup. Finally get him home, make dinner while my mom watches the kids. Eat dinner. LC is a borderline melting down over small things. Keep the evening moving. Play for a bit after dinner, get both kids in the bath. A few dodgy moments around the bath, but we pull out of it and we're doing okay. Then LC wants a snack before bed. Okay. My mom takes him down. Then I come down with Pepperette and LC is pretty much demanding a full breakfast. Uh, no. I offer a compromise. The melting down begins. It deteriorated into a full tantrum. There ended up being no snack, and only one story at bedtime. There was some hitting, punching, kicking, although much less than in the past. The tantrum took 40+ minutes. By the time he fell asleep, it was almost 9:00pm. That is way past his bedtime, especially when he's already overtired.

I am predicting (and it's probably a self-fulfilling prophecy) that LC will sleep in, be pissy, and be a bear to get out the door to school. I'm going to score today a 3/10.

I am not looking forward to Thursday and Friday.

~~~
I am such a whiner. I know it. My son is in Montessori school 4 days a week. And I am not completely alone this week - I got help from my parents. I needed it. Part of the reason I didn't develop PPD this time around is that I am actually asking for help when I need it. Screw my pride, let's be practical. *sigh* Defensive much? Sorry. I'm really tired.

I cut it all off

I finally got my hair cut. Okay, I was exaggerating. I did not cut it all off. Just a lot of it. It feels so good! I've had long hair since Mr. Chili and I got married in 2002. I hadn't had it cut since February - nine long months ago. It was more than halfway down my back, which in my world, is extremely long.

Now Mr. Chili loves long hair. He loves my hair long. He campaigned long and hard against a dramatic haircut. Even LC got in on the act, protesting.

I decided that if I was going to go the effort of getting it cut, I would really cut it. And do it for a cause too. So I donated my ponytail to the Beautiful Lengths program, which makes wigs for cancer patients from donated hair.

On Saturday, my hair dresser cut about 10 inches of hair. He gave me a stylish new 'do, and I love it. Change is good! Even Mr. Chili and LC like it. Although LC did exclaim, upon seeing me for the first time,
LC: "Mommy, I didn't remember you!"
Me: "Uh, LC, did you mean you don't 'recognize' me?"
LC: "Oh yeah."

Today I mailed the hair to the program. It's a small thing, but it feels good.

LC cuteness

LC has always had surprisingly clear speech for his age. He didn't have many cute made-up or modified words as a toddler. And those he did have, I've forgotten. Dammit. I started blogging so that I could record some of these cute moments, but by the time I get to the computer, I've forgotten.

I do remember that LC used to call strawberries "guppies". It was so damn cute.

He also used to say, "What doing?" instead of "What are you doing?". It was teh cute.

There is only one cute phrase that persists despite all of our efforts to correct: when something is toxic or bad for you, LC refers to it as "hoisonous". It just cracks Mr. Chili and I up. Ya know, poisonous and hoisonous are very close. And you really do have to watch out for that toxic hoisin sauce...

Dealing with Thrush - Conclusions and Resources

This is part 3. Also see part 1 and part 2.



Is the thrush gone?
In a word: no.

It is much better. 9 weeks on this diet with all the other stuff, and it is under control. I still have pain when Pepperette nurses but it is manageable. Sometimes the thrush flares up again, and it takes up to a week to settle down. The latest flareup was because I dared to have cheese in my omlette for dinner. I am so frustrated and so tired of being in pain. I can't complain about it to Mr. Chili because he is fed up too. He doesn't think breastfeeding is worth this much suffering. Which breaks my heart to hear him say. Because I need his support. And I can't stop breastfeeding. I nursed LC (with lots of problems) for 2.5 years. I have to give the same to Pepperette. Giving up would cause me no end of mental anguish.

This diet, this regimen, is tough to maintain. Thanksgiving and Halloween and every single day there is food tempting me. I resist because I remind myself that it's not worth the pain. If I eat that piece of cheese or popcorn, I will pay for it for days. And that keeps me going. I am struggling though. I miss my favourite foods. I am sad about the things I can't eat. I get depressed when I realize that I will likely have to live on this diet for as long as Pepperette is nursing. I can't eat out unless I can custom order my food, and I've learned the hard way that gets screwed up too.

/update on 18-Nov-2007:
I have had the best three days (with respect to thrush) since Peperette was born. Virtually pain-free. Hallelujah, praise the deity of your choice! My nips do get sore by the end of the day, but pretty minor, compared to the past.

What is different?
1) time - I've been on this anti-candida diet for 10 weeks now.
2) eliminating sugar from Peperette's diet. She started to develop thrush symptoms again (red butt, cranky) and I couldn't figure out why, since I've been super-vigilant about my food for over a week now.

The key for us is to be very strict about what both of us eat and to keep up with the supplements. I must remind myself to celebrate this. To stop whining about what I can't eat. Focus instead on the fact that I am healthy and still nursing my baby.
/end update

Good resources:
Dr. Newman's* handouts about thrush (candida). Candida, Gentian Violet, fluconazole.
Kellymom.
*If you don't know who Dr. Jack Newman is, you should find out. He's a world-renowned expert on breastfeeding who runs a breastfeeding clinic in the Toronto area. He doesn't know everything (who does?) but he knows a hell of a lot. His website is here.

Struggling

So I've been struggling with the thrush and diet thing. A lot. I'm doing okay, but it is really frustrating to have such a limited diet. I haven't had a chai in over nine weeks. I miss basic stuff like bread. And Halloween candy. I know it's not worth cheating - Pepperette and I will both pay dearly if I do. I put cheese in our omelet the other day and paid for it for a week with a flare-up of pain. Now the thrush is pretty good, not gone, but as good as it's been in eight months. And still I find myself missing all the food I can't eat. I am also heartily sick of cooking every freaking meal I eat. What I wouldn't do for someone to cook for me!



Why am I still breastfeeding if it's caused so much pain? So many reasons.

1. I survived 10 months of on and off thrush pain with LC. I can survive it again.


2. I nursed LC until he self-weaned at 2.5 years . I have to do the same for Pepperette.


3. When the pain is low, nursing is wonderful. Knowing that my body makes this milk especially for her, watching her drink, knowing that it's so good for her.


4. It's not just for nutrition now, but for comfort too.


5. Quitting (especially when the thrush was the worst, around August) would have crushed me. I would not have been able to let myself off the hook.

I went to my local La Leche League meeting this week. And I'll be at another breastfeeding support group on Friday. I go to give and receive support. It helps reinforce to me why I'm doing this and why it's so important.

My name is Chili and I'm a lactivist.

Dealing with Thrush - Treatment

This is part 2. Continued from part 1. See also part 3.


How do I treat thrush?
I followed Dr. Newman's protocol with both babies as soon as I realized I had thrush. For LC, it took: two rounds of gentian violet, a number of rounds of fluconazole, constant use of Dr. Newman's all-purpose nipple ointment (APNO) and stopping my iron supplement to get rid of the thrush. It took more than 10 months to fully resolve. The pain was toe-curling at time. I would put off nursing LC because it hurt so much. My husband hated watching me scream and cry and stomp my feet because it hurt so much. Another cause of the thrush was that LC opened up a large crack in my left nipple that just wouldn't heal. It wouldn't heal because there was candida present, and the candida was there because there was a crack. What you call a vicious cycle.

For Pepperette, I recognized the thrush much sooner. But she (re)opened up the same crack in my left nipple. And this time has been much worse in some ways because I have treated it so much more aggressively, and it just won't fucking go away. Here is what I've done so far:

6 weeks to 6 months:

• Gentian violet (5 rounds of 4-7 days each). It helps, then flares up within a week of stopping.
• Grapefruit seed extract (GSE) pills (2 pills, 3-4 x daily). (See Newman's protocol for specifics.)
• Strong probiotic (3 x daily)
• Grapefruit seed extract liquid (mixed with water, swabbed on nipples after nursing)
• APNO (after nursing)
• APNO with ibuprofen for pain relief (after nursing)
• Fluconazole (dosing per Newman's protocol). Took two rounds of it, the second round for 8 weeks. Helped control the thrush, never cured it.

6 months and beyond:

• Saw a naturopath. Started taking a number of homeopathics in addition to GSE pills, probiotics, GSE liquid, APNO.
• Started a very strict anti-candida diet. Purpose is to eliminate all possible sources of sugar and anything that will promote candida growth.
  

Anti-candida diet details:

• No sugar, honey, maple syrup, artificial sweetener, etc.
• Nothing fermented. No alcohol, vinegar, yeast etc.
• No white flour, white rice.
• No to cheese, milk, etc.
• No to roasted nuts
• No to canned tuna, canned meat. No to lunch meats. No to preservatives.
• No to chips, popcorn
• Yes to meat (chicken, fish, beef, etc.)
• Yes to eggs
• Yes to all veggies except corn
• Yes to limited amounts of apples, blueberries, pears. No to other fruit, especially dried fruit.
• Yes to brown rice, original ryvita crackers, oatcakes (oats, shortening and salt), rice cakes
• Yes to unsweetened yogurt, cottage cheese
• Yes to raw nuts, raw nut butter
• Yes to cooking with vegetable oils, limited amounts of butter
• Yes to seasoning with sea salt, fresh cracked pepper, Braggs all-purpose seasoning (a non-fermented soy sauce alternative), lemon juice
• After six weeks hard-core, you can add cheese and other fruits back into your diet. I have not been able to do this without causing a flareup.

Anti-candida diet for baby:

• probiotics can be given to baby. Break open a capsule, wet finger and dip in probiotic powder. Allow the baby to suck on the finger. Do this twice a day for 5-7 days.
• no sugar in diet! I had started giving Peperette snack crackers (like Baby MumMums - a sweetened rice cracker and gluten-free animal crackers*). Both of these have sugar. Her bottom started to get red and she got crankier. I eliminated these crackers, and voila, our thrush symptoms are gone.
• Pepperette eats pretty much what I eat, just in pureed form. Brown rice cereal, brown rice pasta, oatmeal, pureed chicken and turkey, pureed veggies (carrots, sweet potato, cauliflower, broccoli, etc.), pureed fruit (apple, pear, banana, etc.).

* Since Peperette is at risk of developing a wheat allergy (like I had as a child), we are not introducing wheat until she is about two.

What the hell do you eat?
Good question.

Breakfast:

• steel cut oats with unsweetened applesauce or blueberries or unsweetened almond milk
• shredded wheat cakes crumbled with unsweetened almond milk
• and that's about it
  

Snacks:

• raw apple
• raw almond butter on rice cakes or oatcakes
• humus on ryvita crackers
• humus with raw veggies (carrots, red pepper, green pepper, celery, cauliflower)
• cottage cheese with cinnamon and raw slivered almonds
• whole raw almonds
  

Lunch/dinner:

• omlette or boiled egg
• chicken, brown rice, steamed broccoli
• brown rice pasta, organic pasta sauce (sometimes add beans or ground meat to sauce)
• mini meatloafs with brown rice, eggs, onion, garlic, tomato paste, herbs
• mashed potatoes made with bit of butter and chicken stock. Can also use cooking water
• salad with vinaigrette of lemon juice and olive oil
• pan fried salmon sprinkled with lemon juice, veggies, brown rice
• stir-fry with garlic, onion, ginger, broccoli, snow peas, zucchini, mushrooms, chicken on brown rice w/Braggs
• pork medallions with applesauce, veggie
• roast pork or roast beef

Running (or should I say jogging very slowly?)

I finally started running again. Running is a serious overstatement of what I am doing. I'm following a 10km running program that gradually builds up distance and time. And this time back, I don't care that I'm slow. I am just happy to be moving again. I don't realize how much I miss running until I start again. I feel better mentally and physically. Forgive me if I sound "holier than thou", sometimes cliches are based in truth.

I started running in 1997. I worked my way from lump-on-the-couch up to 5km, then 10km. Then I decided I wanted to run a marathon. So in 2000, I trained and ran my marathon. It really hurt. I was very slow. But I finished in 4h39m. And I will always be proud of that. I decided after that marathon training is just too demanding. It's not the race, it's the training that takes over your life. And I just haven't ever had that burning urge to do another one. So I've stuck with half marathons as my longest race since.

I stopped running in 2003 when I got pregnant and had a threatened miscarriage. I didn't start again until LC was seven months old in 2004. It was a long, slow ramp up after LC too. After a frustrating false start, I signed up with the Running Room and did their Learn to Run clinic. It was a great way to get started again. I met some great women and continued on with them to the half marathon clinic, where I trained for and ran the Las Vegas half marathon in 2005. It was a great race - not so much my time, but the overall experience. Training for the Las Vegas race really helped me regain my mental health and climb out of the pit of PPD.

Post-Pepperette, I am using this program. I don't have the time to go to my local Running Room store right now. With two kids, it's challenging to carve out the time. Whereas LC hated the jogging stroller and screamed after 20 minutes, Pepperette is pretty good and generally naps in it. I've been getting out with a good mom friend of mine when both of our older kids are in school, and we take the babies out in her double stroller, taking turns pushing it. It just feels damn good to be doing something good for me.

Tomorrow is Week 5, run 2. Warm up 5 min walking. Run 2, walk 1, 8 times. Cool down 5 min walking. Should be good.

Bedtime. Bye.

Dealing with Thrush - Symptoms

This is part 1. Also see part 2 and part 3.

I want to write a comprehensive post about my ongoing struggle with thrust/yeast/candida/whatever-you-want-to-call it. I had better make it a multi-part post or it will take forever.


I'm going to try a FAQ format.

What are the other names for thrush?
Yeast, candida overgrowth, etc.

What is thrush?
An overgrowth of candida albicans. Candida exists normally in our bodies, but causes problems when it takes over the healthy stuff in our guts. (Yeah, real technical discussion, I know. I'm definitely not a doctor, just a mom.) Candida loves moist, warm environments. So if you're a nursing mom, especially if you have any nipple trauma (scratches, abrasions, etc.) you're more likely to develop thrush.

For some people, overgrowth of candida causes vaginal yeast infections. For others, they don't notice anything. For a nursing mom, thrush can cause terrible nipple pain. For the nursing baby, thrush can make the tongue appear white and white patches in the mouth.


What does thrush feel like?
Every mom I've talked to about thrush has different symptoms. Some mom's have symptoms but no pain. (I wish!)

Here are my symptoms:

• Pain when baby latches. As it progresses, there is pain when latching, during nursing and after nursing.
• In between nursing sessions, deep burning pain in breast, like knives stabbing.
• Nipples and aureoles bright red
• Nipples and aureoles have flaking skin
• Vaginal itching (occasional)
• This may be the effect of chronic pain, but I get more irritable, down (depressed), and generally feel like I'm functioning in a fog.

Baby's symptoms:

• My babies have never shown traditional symptoms. They do not have the typical white-coated tongue and white patches in their mouth.
• Both babies get a diaper rash. Not a typical rash, in my opinion. The skin around the anus gets very red and irritated. No bumps, skin in smooth, just red.
• Pepperette gets fussy when the thrush is bad. I don't know if she's physically uncomfortable or it's because my pain is inhibiting the milk flow.

RED FLAG: if breastfeeding has been going well up to now, and you have sudden onset of symptoms, get help!

What should I avoid in order to minimize my chances of developing thrush? / What are some of the triggers for developing thrush?
These things may increase you chances of developing thrush:

• If you take antibiotics, especially if you are treated for being group b strep positive (GBS+) during/after labour
• DON'T take an iron supplement. After LC was born, I took Floravit, a natural iron supplement to help with my chronic (mild) anemia. Turns out that extra iron provides a lovely environment for yeast growth. Try to get your iron from food sources (red meat, dark green veggies).
• If you have any trauma to your nipples - scratches, cracks, dryness - watch for onset of symptoms. Treat aggressively right away. Don't suffer and hope it will go away.
• DON'T use lanolin (i.e. Lansinoh). For a variety of reasons, it can promote yeast overgrowth.

(Updated to fix formatting. Stupid template.)

Definitely not participating in NaBloPoMo

I thought about participating in NaBloPoMo. Really, I did. I've found that the longer I go without posting, the harder it is to overcome the inertia. I have so much to say, some of it possibly interesting, some of it banal. Yet I haven't posted in months because I've either been struggling so much that I couldn't summon the energy to post or been feeling good enough that all I want is to start catching up on all the stuff I am so woefully behind in.

Here are some bullets of catching up.

• Pepperette is now eight months old. The cliche is true - babyhood goes by so much faster the second time. She is lovely and very smiley. She is also healthy so far - no bladder infections (LC got sick around 3 months). She is small, like LC was, but his time I'm not getting a hard time from the doctor about it. Hey, someone has to be in the second percentile...
• Chronic thrush is a bitch. I am still struggling with pain while nursing, which is better than the constant toe-curling pain I had before. What is finally working is a combination of supplements, homeopathics and an incredibly restrictive diet that eliminates all sources of sugar. If I deviate at all from the routine, it flares right back up. I am so beyond frustrated by this.
• Pain from thrush has been the single thing that brought me closest to developing PPD. But I haven't.
• The other upside to this incredibly limited diet? When you can only eat good stuff (veggies, limited fruit, plain meat), and no processed food and no crap, you're bound to lose weight. I have lost about 20 pounds since the end of August. I'm now at 3 pounds below my pre-Pepperette weight, within 7 pounds of my pre-LC weight. It feels good to have my body sorta back.
• LC turned four in the fall. Wow. I have a four year old. Overall, I am loving four - fewer tantrums, better listening, etc. It feels like all the work is starting to pay off. He (sometimes) has good manners, will stop when asked, eats a ton, is learning so much at montessori.
• Mr. Chili had a significant birthday just before LC's. 4*cough*0. He doesn't care about birthdays or celebrating them, but I do, so on the day, he played golf with his friends, came home for late dinner, got his presents from us. Then I had a small surprise party with two of his best friends and their spouses and offspring. (Total of six adults and five kids five and under.) Mr. Chili was surprised and, I believe, had a great time.
• I have finally gotten my tired ass out the door and resumed running. I'm taking it slowly, doing run/walk sets. Did I mention very slowly? Oh well - it really does feel good to be out there three times a week. Pepperette has been really good in the jogging stroller. It is much more of a workout to push the darned thing.

I started this post in the wee hours of Friday morning. It's Sunday evening, Mr. Chili has Pepperette and LC is asleep. I had better post now before another couple of months go by. I wrote it on my Palm LifeDrive, but couldn't login to blogger from the damn thing. Frustrating! It takes for freaking ever to tap out an entry. But writing while nursing seems to the only way to get time to write.