Normal tantrums?

At the tender age of three, LC has entered a new era of tantrums. We thought the screaming-kicking-crying episodes between ages two and three were fun. Hah! In the past few months, we have witnessed new heights (depths?) to his tantrums. Is it normal for a three year old to have such - I hesitate to say it - rage? I believe the triggers are:

• tired
• stressed
• coming down with something/sick
  

Normal stuff. I mean, who isn't more prone to a fit of pique when they're tired?
What disturbs me is the range of behaviour we see and how violent he is. He will kick, pinch, pull hair, hit, if you are within range. Sometimes he will lunge after you. This is accompanied by screaming/crying/wailing/sobbing at tremendous volume.

If the conditions are right (wrong), he has such a hair trigger that it's really, really hard to avoid setting him off. And frankly, hey, I'm the adult and he's the kid. I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around my kid, afraid that he's going to have a tantrum.

Getting him out of the tantrum takes some combination of 1) patience, 2) distraction, 3) a cuddle/hug - but only if he's calm enough.

Mr. Chili left for a business trip today. LC is very, very attached to his daddy (after two years of all me). Mr. Chili did the drop-off today and told LC that he was going away for a couple of days, that he would be back and that he loved LC. So when I went to pick up LC - and Daddy usually does pick up, I was prepared for some upset. What I got was a lovely, cooperative little boy who saw me, yelled, "Mommy!", gave me a huge hug, picked up his lunch bag, got his coat (and the wet clothing from the one accident today), put away his work, said good-bye to his teacher and then came over to the doorway, where I was waiting. As is his routine, he opened his lunch bag looking for a snack and a drink. He pulled out the glass bottle of fruit punch leftover from his hot lunch. He asked me to open it. I replied that I couldn't right now because it was glass and might break, but that I would be happy to open it as soon as we got home. This was not acceptable. He started wailing right there.

I did not cave. I stayed crouched down, kept talking calmly. I helped him put on this coat, he tried to hit me. I knew it was coming, so I calmly said, "no hitting" and kept trying to get him moving. After he refused to move, and was disturbing everyone in the classroom, I semi-dragged him out to the hallway. Where he lay prostrate on the floor, crying, screaming. I let him go for a bit, crouched down next to him, calmly telling him it was okay, we would have the fruit punch soon. Not working. One of the teachers came out to the hallway to see what the commotion was about. LC kicked off his shoes, kept crying and screaming. I was starting to lose patience. I had to hold him down to get his shoes on, and then I picked up all the stuff and carried him out of school. He kicked a bit, but seemed to be past the violent stage of the tantrum (very short stage - this time). I set him down on the stairs outside. He calmed a bit outside - change of scene, I guess - and I took the opportunity to give hug him and tell him it was okay. By this point, the topic of screaming had moved from fruit punch to missing daddy, wanting daddy, etc. So I hugged him and told him I missed daddy too, and that we would talk to daddy on the phone tonight, etc.

I carried him to the car and he was marginally calmer. Alas, it did not stay that way. As soon as his butt hit the car seat, he started screaming and crying louder than before. It was honestly deafening. And I could not reason with him. I just gritted my teeth and drove home as quickly as I could. I could almost laugh as I got out of the car (silence), opened the hatch to get my stuff (screaming), shut the hatch (silence), opened the door to get his stuff (screaming), etc. Dumped our stuff inside, then came and got him. I carried him inside, and he kept screaming and carrying on.

Surprisingly, I remained fairly calm through this. I sat him on the stairs, tried to take off his coat and shoes, was rejected. Went to the kitchen, fed the cat and dog. LC threw a couple of things towards the kitchen -not much ammunition, fortunately, and then started playing with his coat zipper. He loves practicing doing up his own coat. That calmed him down. I checked on him a few times and eventually, he came to see what I was doing. He helped me prepare a quick dinner (cheese omelette and toast) and we had a very civilized dinner.

Maybe this isn't the best example of how violent and intense these tantrums can be. But man, I just hope this is "normal". Some kind of normal. I don't know. LC is an amazing kid. And I tell myself that this is a normal developmental stage. Feelings are intense when you're that age. Right? It's that I'm disturbed by how violent he can be - trying to lash out and hurt Mr. Chili and me. Mostly me. When he gets like that, we carry him to the stairs, but he won't stay put. So we just keep repeating that he needs to stay on the stairs until he is calm. It takes a while. A long, long while sometimes.

If anyone is reading this, care to tell me that this is normal? Or on the spectrum of normal? Any feedback is appreciated.