Job news!

(Okay, using too many exclamation marks these days. My bad.)


I am very excited and very nervous right now. Yesterday I accepted a job offer.

~~~
Aaaaaaand fast forward about five weeks. It's July 30th. I am in my third week of work at NewJob. Very happy with the job so far. Lots of work, and really, it's the complete opposite of what I said I wanted. It is full-time (and more), full-on, right in high-tech. Not part-time, less stress, etc. I didn't even apply to this job or company. They found me, I decided to find out more, went through a few rounds of interviews, and they made me an offer I couldn't turn down. The opportunity for growth in this job was irresistible to me. So I accepted.

We're also moving to a new city. NewJob is located too far from our current house. Mr. Chili is going to be able to work from home in NewCity, so we're good there. The amount of change happening for us right now is staggering. Right now I am living in corporate housing (a nice townhouse) with Pepperette. Monday to Friday, we do our thing - she goes to daycare, I go to work, in the evening we go house shopping and after she is asleep, I do all the lunch prep, dinner prep, laundry, work, etc. On Fridays, we head back to our suburban house and to LC and Mr. Chili.

Back at the homestead, Mr. Chili has been working to get our house ready to sell. Lots of work - had the interior of the house painted, new carpet, bathroom updates, decluttering, etc. In the meantime, Mr. Chili has also had lots of problems to solve at work, taking away from his time to do house stuff. Add to that that Mr. Chili also had to go to Europe for two weeks on a business trip and - hoo boy - do we have a lot goin' on.

Thank goodness for my mom & MIL. They have been tag-teaming to take care of LC during the week while Mr. Chili has been away. LC goes to summer camp during the day, so the moms only have to manage mornings, dinner and bedtime. We are very lucky to have a supportive family.

As for the job, I am very happy with it. There is a lot of energy, my job is very interesting, the project I'm managing is cool, etc. I have to be very conscious of my work/life boundaries, so that work doesn't spill over and take over. It's easy for me to get sucked in because of my personality. Fortunately, I have to pickup Pepperette around 5pm every day, and I'm on my own (with Mr. Chili still at the homestead), so I'm forced to leave my desk and focus on other things.

I am trying to really embrace all this change. To tolerate the chaos and even thrive in it. By the beginning of September, we will all be living in the same town, Pepperette in daycare, LC at his new Montessori school, Mr. Chili working at home and me at my NewJob. We're close to buying a house in NewCity too. (And man, do I have some good house stories. People are just strange sometimes.)

It won't be a month again. Promise! I'll be back in a week or less.

This article? It describes my life.

I've written before about my desire to find a job that allows me for better work/life balance. How I don't want to work 50-60 hours a week every week. How I love being a PMP and P.Eng, but how hard it is to work in high-tech and be the kind of mom I want to be.

So I shouldn't have been surprised to read this article. It talks about how women between the ages of 35-40 (check) are leaving science/engineering/technology jobs in record numbers, despite the fact that they are getting outstanding performance reviews (double check) and love their jobs (triple check). Why? Because many of them are also moms and they are tired of working crazy hours. They are also tired of the "wearying atmosphere of sexism" (quadruple check). Oh yes, how I can relate. In my work years, I have put up with all sorts of sexist crap, none of which I did anything about. I'm not proud of the fact that I let it slide, but it felt like the only choice. Did I want to be blacklisted? No. So I shut up, laughed it off and got my work done.

I don't know whether to feel validated or sad that this is a common problem. I think the quote that summed it up for me is this, "The workplace culture is like a time warp," says Dr. Sherbin, director of research at the Center for Work-Life Policy. "It's 20 to 30 years behind other workplaces."

How true.

Back to normal

Overall, things are pretty good right now. My thrush flare-up has subsided. The culprit? I eliminated a spelt bread made from sprouted grains (as opposed to yeast). I was able to tolerate it before, but I guess Pepperette and I ate too much of it. That and other mystery factors that I just cannot figure out. Hormones? I dunno. It took both of us stopping eating the bread, eating lots of unsweetened 6% milk fat unsweetened yogurt, and about a week for the pain to subside. I'm back to "only sore occasionally", which is a blessed relief after the intensity of the pain. I won't even get into how f'n frustrating the constant flare-ups are.


Pepperette is still *this close* to walking. A few days ago she started free standing. She stands there, wavering, looking like a surfer hanging on for dear life. And then boom!, she loses it and either falls on her bum or catches herself with her hands. It is way cute.


LC started his second season of soccer and he had a pretty good time the first week. The second week? Not so much. He only played for about 1 minute, then he tripped and that derailed the rest of the game. He sat on the sidelines with his team and refused all attempts to get him back on the field. *sigh* I hope next week is better. I'm not having crazy expectations - all I want is him to run around, chase the ball, listen and have fun.


The job search is progressing. I think. I had a phone interview this week, which went well and I'm hoping to get an in-person interview next. I also completed a pre-screening interview and am waiting to hear if I'm going to get an interview for that. Then there are a couple of other things in the works. Gah. I just hope that something happens soon.


I met an old friend today for tea. We were best friends through high school and university, but started to drift apart a few years after uni. Then we completely lost touch for a few years. I had tormented myself with guilt that I sucked at friendship and that it was my fault. But I was too chicken to pick up the damn phone, so I just kept shoving the guilt away when it resurfaced. Then by fluke, I ran into her about a month ago after a race. We talked and it was great. I phoned her a couple of days later and we talked some more. Today we met for tea and chatted some more. I know that we are unlikely to be bestest friends again - we live too far apart, have completely different lifestyles, etc. But we are friends again. And I will do my part to keep it going this time. It feels good in a way I can't articulate to be talking to her again.


Last week I finally phoned another old friend from high school. She has been calling me for a *embarrassed cough* year. And I never called her back. I can't fully explain why. Other than the generic "I suck". (And I am so good at putting myself down. I've made it into an art. An art that I am trying to STOP PRACTICING.) The longer I let something go, the worse I feel, and the harder it is for me to make myself fix it. All I had to do is call her. She is a wonderful, forgiving person. So I finally did. And we talked for over an hour. I don't know when I'll see her again, but dammit, we have reconnected again. And that too feels good.


So we're doing pretty well here. Other relatives? Not doing as well. I am struggling to figure out how to help and support our loved ones. Because:

• my sister is having a partial knee replacement this week. She will be in the hospital for a few days, then recuperating at home for a few weeks. And my mom won't be here. She has unbreakable plans. So I feel a double obligation to help my sister - run errands, take her food, etc. She has a wonderful husband and son, and they are capable, but I want to (need to) help. She lives an hour away from me.
• my stepmother started chemo this week. She is handling it well so far, but it is a tough treatment. She lives an hour away, same town as my sister.
• my MIL is having a major recurrence of inflammatory arthritis. She feels really poorly and is having other (unbloggable) problems. And she lives an hour and a half away, north of us.

Add to this the fact that Mr. Chili is going on another business trip, this time to the U.S. for a week. I feel relief that the trip is only a week, akin to how I imagine it feels to go from slamming my face into a door, versus closing said door on my foot. Boy, closing the door on my foot feels so much less painful.

Somehow I will manage to keep our house in order, find a job, take a care package to my sister and stepmom and gah, I don't know what else.

re: Job search

The interview I had two weeks ago? The one that went well? That I talked about here? I guess it didn't go as well as I thought. I didn't get the job.

On the plus side, they did not keep me hanging for ages. And the manager offered to debrief me, which is nice of him. I know it would have been just too easy if I had gotten the first job I interviewed for. But it would have been nice.

The same day as that FOAD*, I also found out I didn't even make it to the interview round for another position I applied for. Two FOADs in one day. Go me!

I really, really need to get more stuff in the pipeline. I have no active applications out there right now. I have one posting I'm going to apply for tomorrow. Other than that? Nada. I am not going to find a job if I don't freaking look for one. And I am trying. I am networking. But obviously not hard enough.

* A term from my undergrad days. FOAD as in Fuck Off And Die. As in, you didn't get the interview/job/etc. Most of us amassed a collection of these suckers during our last year.

Who me?

I have a blog? Oh yeah. *ahem*

Thanks to a friend who gave me a virtual kick in the pants, here is a brief update from the land of Pepper.

Life's been a little busy. The job hunt is going well. Meaning that:

• I got a lot out of the career counselling


• my resume is ready to go


• I'm networking like crazy - reconnecting with former colleagues, old friends, etc.,


• I've applied to a couple of things


• I've had one interview and it went well

I'm cramming the job hunt into the three precious days where both kids are in school/daycare. I do the rest of the job search stuff late at night. Who knew that looking for a job takes so much time? It really does. Especially if you're seeking something rare and elusive. What is so special about my quest? I'm looking for a project management role that only requires about 30 hours/week. I was in telecom, and in telecom full-time doesn't mean 40 hours/week, it means 50-60 hours/week. And I just can't (won't) work like that with two young kids. All those cliches that I used to roll my eyes at - stuff like "they're only young once" or "you won't wish you'd worked more hours when you're older" - those cliches are true. I don't want to miss this time in my kid's lives. At the same time, I really like being a project manager and electrical engineer (PMP and P.Eng, thankyouverymuch). I need to use the professional part of my brain as well as the mom part of my brain in order to stay sane.

So finding a job isn't as quick as it should be. I am targeting the public sector (i.e. Ontario government), financial sector (banks, insurance) and smaller local companies. I'm quite willing to make a lesser wage so that I can have more time with my kids.

It's hard, swimming upstream like this. I'm trying to straddle the space between being a work-away-from-home mom and a stay-at-home mom. My SAHM friends think I'm nuts. My professional friends think that I don't care about my career anymore. But hey, I have to try to find the right job because it's the right thing for me & my family. Besides, I've always enjoyed being different. I don't like to do things the easy way.

In an effort to retain some quasi-anonymity, I'm not going to post my resume or other info here. (Plus there's the fact that no one reads this thing because I am so bad at updating!)

So there you go. The job search continues.

My inner voice

I've attended a series of seminars courtesy of the career counselling program that was part of my severance package. Most of them are very job search focused:

• career assessment (which included the very interesting Birkman First Look survey)
• self-marketing and networking (hard to do, but very necessary for finding a job)
• resume building
• interviewing and negotiating strategies
• becoming an entrepreneur
• consulting and contracting - pros & cons

Today I attended an "enrichment" session. It was titled "Job search communication and conversation", but really, it was about how we talk to ourselves and can sabotage ourselves. Duh, right? Yes, I knew this stuff. Becoming more conscious of some of the crappy things I do to myself? Very worthwhile. I sometimes really think I could use some therapy.

Ego states

I learned about Eric Berne's theories about the ego states. That we each have within ourselves a parent, adult and child state. I would go on, but I think it is better said here and here. The first link has a great illustration of the states and how we transition from one to another. The second has a lot of info and is a bit dry. Apparently this is called "transactional analysis. It's neat stuff and gave me insight for my own head and also why I have so much trouble communicating with my 4.5 year old.

My inner critic

We all have a little voice in our heads. It warns us when something is a bad idea, it encourages us when we're scared, it tells us we're a fuck-up.... I was aware of mine, but after today's session I am much more aware of how much power I give my inner voice and how much I let it affect what I do. We talked about liberating your inner voice - not killing it, that won't happen. But engaging that voice, embracing it, talking to it. Yeah, it all sounds touch-feely and out there. I know. At the same time? I know my inner voice is brutal to me.

As an exercise, the instructor had us write about our inner voice and how it's affecting our job search. Here is what I wrote.

Q: With respect to your job search, what are the two most common messages your inner critic give you?

A1: No one will want to hire me part-time. Why should I get special treatment?

A2: I do not have any special skills or unique characteristics. I'm just an ordinary, average person. No one is going to want to hire me (for the kind of position and salary I want).

Q: How is the inner critic helpful, hurtful, frightening, etc.?

A: My inner voice is paralyzing. The panic buzzes around my brain so I can't think, can't move forward, can't respond to questions. My inner critic squelches my joy, makes me talk negatively about everything, even the things that make me happy. And this is reflected in what I say out loud - I feel like everything I say is a complaint or a whine. I don't want to be like this anymore. It is exhausting to be so negative. And part of it is caused by the perpetual exhaustion of having two young kids and looking for a job.

Q: What kinds of messages could you give yourself that are honest and supportive?

A: Look at my skills objectively. I can acknowledge and place value on the things that I have done. I must interrupt my inner voice before she finishes the "but". Get her to rephrase - I will, I can, I love.

Q: Anything else?

A: I want to start - really try - to be more positive. I need to coach my inner voice to stop being so negative, teach it instead to be my cheerleader.

~~~

I know that's all mega-touch feely. But man, there is truth there. My inner voice is killing my joy. I don't want to be down and negative all the time. And believe me, it's my normal state. I can do better. I'm going to try.

(I feel perilously close to sounding like Stuary Smalley, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me." *snort*)

I'm learning about myself. It's painful sometimes, enlightening, and I hope it will help me find a job that is closer to my values. I guess I should be thankful for being laid off. I doubt I ever would have found the time to sort through this stuff if I hadn't been forced into it.

Transition

Apologies for dropping off the face of the earth. We've been busy around here. Pepperette turned one, March break happened and my maternity leave ended. Last week Pepperette started her gradual introduction to Montessori/daycare. She did very well. I found it really hard. It broke my heart to hand her over to the teacher and walk away as Pepperette reached for me, crying. I found out when I returned a few hours later to get her that she stopped crying as soon as I was out of sight. So really, she did very well.

Also this week, I officially started my job search. I've attended about three half day seminars so far. I'm getting a lot out of them, certainly I feel more energized and optimistic that I will be able to find something part-time. I'm worried about finding something good enough in the limited time frame I have (of course, the list of things I worry about is long and varied). I don't get that many weeks of EI. I hope I can find something on my terms before I run out of money. I feel very strongly that I have to take the time to really look, to really try to make this career change, this lifestyle change. If I don't do it now, I fear I will end up stressed and miserable, feeling like I never see my kids and husband.

In other news, bad news has been hitting us on multiple fronts. Listed in random order - goodness knows the trouble I would get in if I ranked my stepmother over my cat.

I'm (trying to) keep it all in perspective - the kids, Mr. Chili and I still have a roof over our heads and reasonable health. But.... Our beloved family cat, Boomer, is dying. He is wasting away. Many vet visits and large bills later, we have eliminated the benign, treatable causes and are left with terminal illnesses like cancer. He is only 7 years old. The vet was shocked at his appearance. Not only is he down to a mere 7.5 lbs from a healthy 12 lbs, but he looks aged, more like a 14 or 15 year old cat. His spirits are good and he doesn't seem to be suffering. No vomiting or diarrhea or litter box accidents. He isn't eating or drinking much though, so to keep him more comfortable, I am giving him fluids subcutaneously. Since we don't know what us killing him we have no idea how long he will live. He's an awesome cat, so loving, such a great personality, so great with the kids. I'm so sad about this. I'm also worried about LC and how he will handle this. We're making it up as we go, hoping that everyone comes through it okay.

Car troubles. Mr. Chili was in a car accident with our older but paid for and runs really well car about a month ago. Some knob, not paying attention ran into the passenger rear side of the car. Fortunately he wasn't hurt, nor were the kids in the car. But oh the hassle. The insurance company ended up writing off the car. Did I mention I'm unemployed? Not a good time to take on a car payment. So we were able to take a reduced settlement from the insurance company and get it fixed. Took ages to settle and get the car fixed, which sucked because we are most definitely suburbanites who are reliant on having two cars. All's well that ends well.

In far bigger, badder news, my dad called on Friday to tell us that my stepmom has breast cancer. It is pretty bad, but doesn't appear to have spread to the lymph nodes. I am not very close to my stepmom (very, very long story), but she and my dad are very much in love and my dad has some major health issues of his own. We don't know the treatment plan yet - probably surgery by next Friday, then who knows - radiation? Chemo? I'm worried that she will die and my dad won't be able to stand it, that it will break him. I'm worried about the toll that supporting her will take on his health. They live an hour away and I just hope that I will be able to find good ways to support them. I do care about my stepmom, I do. I want her to fight this and win.

Finally, I have a dear friend who is in a very bad, very messy personal situation. It is so beyond anything you can imagine that if I told you the details you'd say I was making that shit up. I have been doing my best to support her, to be her rock. It is really hard because I worry about her, about my safety, her kids. I've been involved for this for two years. And the truth is that it keeps getting worse and worse. It is killing her in the most literal sense. I feel helpless a lot of the time. I know I can't rescue her, only she can. But that doesn't make it any easier to watch.

Got to post this now, while I have a minute. Pepperette is almost done nursing.