April Fool's

[Written yesterday, but no time to post.]

Any April Fool's jokes/pranks played on you? Me neither. Might be speaking prematurely, since it's only 4:11 pm, but I'm pretty confident that the universe is content with my current hellish existence.

Okay. I'm exaggerating. It's not that bad. But today it feels like that. M is still not fully at the breast - she latches up to five or six times per 24 hours. Only on the right breast. Never on the left. So my days are fully consumed with a neverending cycle of cup feeding (no atificial nipples here, just can't do it), latch attempt (sometimes successful), pump, change diaper, pause, repeat. Somtimes she naps in there, and I get to spend some time with LC or do a load of laundry or maybe even pee... M is a pretty good sleeper, but like most babies in my experience, she sleeps best on me. So often, shortly after I carefully put her down, deeply asleep, she starts to sqwak, quickly escalating to screaming. But I have to finish pumping. Its brutal. It's hard to watch her looking for me and not be able to pick her up, even though it's only for ten minutes.

Yet I have to remind myself that this is huge progress. And my supply is better this time. The funny thing is that I don't remember exactly when LC was fully at the breast. Six weeks is what sticks in my brain, but I know it was gradual process for him, where he started latching more and more often around six weeks. I think I don't want to remember the details. They are all caught up in the PPD fog that swamped my brain for ten plus months.

...to be continued...
(Stupid mobile browser won't let me post the rest of this entry. Grrrrrr....I won't even tell you ow long this has taken to post.)