22-Jun Not-so-fitness journal

Weight yesterday = 151.6 lbs.
Yes, that's right. I managed to gain back any minimal loss I might have had. In fact, yesterday I broke the previous record of 151.2lbs. Gah. I suck.

Weight today = 150.8lbs.
Better. I actually ate well yesterday and went for a run.

Okay. Time to come clean. I think the real (and so secret I don't want to admit it out loud) reason I haven't been dedicated to losing weight is that I want to get pregnant. Again. I am ready to have a second child. If you know me, you'll know that this is a mind-blowing revelation. Seriously. And it's not one that I can admit out loud. Well, that's not true. I did admit it to Mr. Chili a few months ago. And we started tentatively trying in May. Kind of trying-without-actually-admitting that we're trying. As in, I'm using the ovulation signs to time sex to give us a shot at hitting the egg. But given our history (trying to conceive LC was non-trivial. Although nowhere near what many, many others have gone through), I had no expectations that we would get lucky on the first shot.

So mentally, I am holding myself in limbo, thinking crap thoughts like, "No point in losing weight now because I'm hoping to be pregnant soon and I'll just gain it back."

That's just stupid. Because I know if I'm in better shape, I'll have a better pregnancy. G*d knows I cannot afford to gain 65 fu**ing pounds like last time.

And that's the truth. Now that I've admitted it out loud, maybe I'll be able to regain and maintain my focus? Let's hope so.