Transition

Apologies for dropping off the face of the earth. We've been busy around here. Pepperette turned one, March break happened and my maternity leave ended. Last week Pepperette started her gradual introduction to Montessori/daycare. She did very well. I found it really hard. It broke my heart to hand her over to the teacher and walk away as Pepperette reached for me, crying. I found out when I returned a few hours later to get her that she stopped crying as soon as I was out of sight. So really, she did very well.

Also this week, I officially started my job search. I've attended about three half day seminars so far. I'm getting a lot out of them, certainly I feel more energized and optimistic that I will be able to find something part-time. I'm worried about finding something good enough in the limited time frame I have (of course, the list of things I worry about is long and varied). I don't get that many weeks of EI. I hope I can find something on my terms before I run out of money. I feel very strongly that I have to take the time to really look, to really try to make this career change, this lifestyle change. If I don't do it now, I fear I will end up stressed and miserable, feeling like I never see my kids and husband.

In other news, bad news has been hitting us on multiple fronts. Listed in random order - goodness knows the trouble I would get in if I ranked my stepmother over my cat.

I'm (trying to) keep it all in perspective - the kids, Mr. Chili and I still have a roof over our heads and reasonable health. But.... Our beloved family cat, Boomer, is dying. He is wasting away. Many vet visits and large bills later, we have eliminated the benign, treatable causes and are left with terminal illnesses like cancer. He is only 7 years old. The vet was shocked at his appearance. Not only is he down to a mere 7.5 lbs from a healthy 12 lbs, but he looks aged, more like a 14 or 15 year old cat. His spirits are good and he doesn't seem to be suffering. No vomiting or diarrhea or litter box accidents. He isn't eating or drinking much though, so to keep him more comfortable, I am giving him fluids subcutaneously. Since we don't know what us killing him we have no idea how long he will live. He's an awesome cat, so loving, such a great personality, so great with the kids. I'm so sad about this. I'm also worried about LC and how he will handle this. We're making it up as we go, hoping that everyone comes through it okay.

Car troubles. Mr. Chili was in a car accident with our older but paid for and runs really well car about a month ago. Some knob, not paying attention ran into the passenger rear side of the car. Fortunately he wasn't hurt, nor were the kids in the car. But oh the hassle. The insurance company ended up writing off the car. Did I mention I'm unemployed? Not a good time to take on a car payment. So we were able to take a reduced settlement from the insurance company and get it fixed. Took ages to settle and get the car fixed, which sucked because we are most definitely suburbanites who are reliant on having two cars. All's well that ends well.

In far bigger, badder news, my dad called on Friday to tell us that my stepmom has breast cancer. It is pretty bad, but doesn't appear to have spread to the lymph nodes. I am not very close to my stepmom (very, very long story), but she and my dad are very much in love and my dad has some major health issues of his own. We don't know the treatment plan yet - probably surgery by next Friday, then who knows - radiation? Chemo? I'm worried that she will die and my dad won't be able to stand it, that it will break him. I'm worried about the toll that supporting her will take on his health. They live an hour away and I just hope that I will be able to find good ways to support them. I do care about my stepmom, I do. I want her to fight this and win.

Finally, I have a dear friend who is in a very bad, very messy personal situation. It is so beyond anything you can imagine that if I told you the details you'd say I was making that shit up. I have been doing my best to support her, to be her rock. It is really hard because I worry about her, about my safety, her kids. I've been involved for this for two years. And the truth is that it keeps getting worse and worse. It is killing her in the most literal sense. I feel helpless a lot of the time. I know I can't rescue her, only she can. But that doesn't make it any easier to watch.

Got to post this now, while I have a minute. Pepperette is almost done nursing.